Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go. ~Author Unknown
Well, my last post I mentioned I was going to talk a little about my struggle in the past with drinking and how that plays into my decision of not using the "TOUGH LOVE" for my heroin addicted
son and kick him out on the streets. I have to confess, if my son is not sentenced to jail time, (read my previous posts, he is awaiting three court dates) and/or if he does NOT change his lifestyle then after all the court dates have cleared (I don’t want to owe on the bail bonds) then TOUGH LOVE will come into play and I am putting him out on the streets. I pray I don’t have to do that, but I am at the end of my rope and I have no other choice if I am to keep my sanity. But for now, we will take one court date at a time.Anyways, as I mentioned above, I was going to tell you about my struggles with drinking and
my role as an alcoholic mother, but as I dread writing that post I decided to choose an easier topic,
my Ex husband, yes, the alcoholic husband/father. I will not cast stones as when it comes to my turn
at the ‘chopping block" you will see I am no better. Jack’s father, Conrad, is a tremendously caring person, dedicated worker, easy going, no violent streak, and even has a sense of humor, when he’s not drunk.
If my father was an alcoholic why in the world did I marry one? Let me shed some light on that situation: I left home to get away from my troubles and moved across country when I was 18.
I met Conrad and we started dating. A couple months into the relationship I caught him cheating on me so we broke up. I accepted a new job and moved a couple states away and he joined the Air Force.
Well, boot camp made him shave off his long hair, told him they owned him and scarred him silly.
Me, well, financially I was a wreck. My weekly grocery shop was limited each week to:
a bag of potatoes, eggs and milk. From that lovely inexpensive shop I could make:
Scrambled eggs with hash browns, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes with eggs, egg salad,
french fries…oh ya…those were tough years financially. So, when Conrad showed up at my
doorstep in a blue Air Force Suite after boot camp I saw him as my knight in shining amour.
We married a few months later. I became pregnant the week we married and caught him
cheating on me again about a month afterwards. We were two scarred kids
that married out of fear of surviving on our own. As I reflect back, to marry Conrad was like
putting a wild cougar in a cage. I knew then that my life would be a rough and rocky road, I either
divorce him and struggle as a single parent, or struggle being married to him and have some comfort of the support of another parent. Struggled is just what we did for the next few years. I finally got the nerve to divorce him when one weekend evening I was awoken by Conrad stumbling into our apartment at wee hours of the morning. He was crying, when I asked him what happened, he confessed that when I gave him my paycheck earlier the previous day to deposit in the bank for rent he went out and played poker that night and lost it all. I was dumbfounded. We were living the civilian life
at that time and living paycheck to paycheck. That was one of many of his drunken blunders but that was the one that broke the camel’s back. I did not start drinking and get my drunken blunders until a few years later.For a quick moment I would like to share and incredible story about an unbelievable act of human kindness that happened that weekend. Conrad was at work the next day and there was a knock at the door. I answered and there were three men at the door that introduced themselves and asked if they could come in. My instincts let them in, once in the apartment they pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to me. They informed me that they were the ones that Conrad lost the money to the previous night and when they heard he took my paycheck that was for rent and they had already known we had a small child, they knew they had to return the money. I thanked them immensely, and we even laughed together as they suggested I never let him know I got the money back and make him suffer with the guilt. But the damage to the marriage was already done and I filed for a divorce.
Jack was only five years old when I divorced Conrad and it was devastating to him. We went to family counseling for a short duration to try to help him except it better. As parents we did the best we could, but it never feels like it was good enough. Conrad soon had a live-in girlfriend that really had no
desire to deal with a child. So between me trying to date, going out to clubs with girlfriends and Conrad trying to work his new relationship and enjoying partying on the weekends, Jack was just
tossed around between the two of us with no real strong family base.
It was not long that Conrad and his girlfriend had their own child so the alternating weekends
Jack had at his father’s always had rivalry and stress. I, at the other end, was not providing the
best of a family life for Jack either. That will be my next post…which I dread.
So Jack’s childhood could have been better, could have been worst. And as I said in my first post
"get over it", no matter how good or bad your childhood was, it is never an excuse to continue an
addiction. It may have been the reason for the onset of the addiction, but it is never an excuse
for the continuation of the addiction. Well, this is a lot of reading so I will close now.
Be safe and remember, if your dwelling on your past "get over it!" move onto to a better future.
Well, my last post I mentioned I was going to talk a little about my struggle in the past with drinking and how that plays into my decision of not using the "TOUGH LOVE" for my heroin addicted
son and kick him out on the streets. I have to confess, if my son is not sentenced to jail time, (read my previous posts, he is awaiting three court dates) and/or if he does NOT change his lifestyle then after all the court dates have cleared (I don’t want to owe on the bail bonds) then TOUGH LOVE will come into play and I am putting him out on the streets. I pray I don’t have to do that, but I am at the end of my rope and I have no other choice if I am to keep my sanity. But for now, we will take one court date at a time.Anyways, as I mentioned above, I was going to tell you about my struggles with drinking and
my role as an alcoholic mother, but as I dread writing that post I decided to choose an easier topic,
my Ex husband, yes, the alcoholic husband/father. I will not cast stones as when it comes to my turn
at the ‘chopping block" you will see I am no better. Jack’s father, Conrad, is a tremendously caring person, dedicated worker, easy going, no violent streak, and even has a sense of humor, when he’s not drunk.
If my father was an alcoholic why in the world did I marry one? Let me shed some light on that situation: I left home to get away from my troubles and moved across country when I was 18.
I met Conrad and we started dating. A couple months into the relationship I caught him cheating on me so we broke up. I accepted a new job and moved a couple states away and he joined the Air Force.
Well, boot camp made him shave off his long hair, told him they owned him and scarred him silly.
Me, well, financially I was a wreck. My weekly grocery shop was limited each week to:
a bag of potatoes, eggs and milk. From that lovely inexpensive shop I could make:
Scrambled eggs with hash browns, mashed potatoes, baked potatoes with eggs, egg salad,
french fries…oh ya…those were tough years financially. So, when Conrad showed up at my
doorstep in a blue Air Force Suite after boot camp I saw him as my knight in shining amour.
We married a few months later. I became pregnant the week we married and caught him
cheating on me again about a month afterwards. We were two scarred kids
that married out of fear of surviving on our own. As I reflect back, to marry Conrad was like
putting a wild cougar in a cage. I knew then that my life would be a rough and rocky road, I either
divorce him and struggle as a single parent, or struggle being married to him and have some comfort of the support of another parent. Struggled is just what we did for the next few years. I finally got the nerve to divorce him when one weekend evening I was awoken by Conrad stumbling into our apartment at wee hours of the morning. He was crying, when I asked him what happened, he confessed that when I gave him my paycheck earlier the previous day to deposit in the bank for rent he went out and played poker that night and lost it all. I was dumbfounded. We were living the civilian life
at that time and living paycheck to paycheck. That was one of many of his drunken blunders but that was the one that broke the camel’s back. I did not start drinking and get my drunken blunders until a few years later.For a quick moment I would like to share and incredible story about an unbelievable act of human kindness that happened that weekend. Conrad was at work the next day and there was a knock at the door. I answered and there were three men at the door that introduced themselves and asked if they could come in. My instincts let them in, once in the apartment they pulled out a wad of cash and handed it to me. They informed me that they were the ones that Conrad lost the money to the previous night and when they heard he took my paycheck that was for rent and they had already known we had a small child, they knew they had to return the money. I thanked them immensely, and we even laughed together as they suggested I never let him know I got the money back and make him suffer with the guilt. But the damage to the marriage was already done and I filed for a divorce.
Jack was only five years old when I divorced Conrad and it was devastating to him. We went to family counseling for a short duration to try to help him except it better. As parents we did the best we could, but it never feels like it was good enough. Conrad soon had a live-in girlfriend that really had no
desire to deal with a child. So between me trying to date, going out to clubs with girlfriends and Conrad trying to work his new relationship and enjoying partying on the weekends, Jack was just
tossed around between the two of us with no real strong family base.
It was not long that Conrad and his girlfriend had their own child so the alternating weekends
Jack had at his father’s always had rivalry and stress. I, at the other end, was not providing the
best of a family life for Jack either. That will be my next post…which I dread.
So Jack’s childhood could have been better, could have been worst. And as I said in my first post
"get over it", no matter how good or bad your childhood was, it is never an excuse to continue an
addiction. It may have been the reason for the onset of the addiction, but it is never an excuse
for the continuation of the addiction. Well, this is a lot of reading so I will close now.
Be safe and remember, if your dwelling on your past "get over it!" move onto to a better future.
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